Look I feel completely useless. Much like I'm an extra anchor weighing down my family.I can't find a job, so they have to pay for college for me. And on top of that, I can't even manage to keep my scholarship, the one thing I did to contribute to paying for my education. I also managed to hit a parked car after driving my own vehicle for almost two years. How stupid do you have to be? I didn't tell my parents that day. I don't know why. I was scared and frustrated. I also thought it would be better to tell them in person. But the insurance company called them first, so that's how they found out.
All in all, It's come to the point where all I do is take money that they struggle to get, and end up throwing it away because I am some sort of chronic screw up. I just hate feeling like all I do is suck money away. I hate feeling like such a burden. I feel terrible because they work so hard and I never have been able to show how much I care that they do.
I know this is whiny and the solution is to go out and fix it. I know. But many things are easier said then done. I won't stop trying but I get so sick of making stupid mistakes that hurt others, you know?
1/11/2012
1/09/2012
Finally they are out!
So my sister wrote this poem for me. She used things that I have said throughout it. I wanted to share because I think it's a beautiful poem and because it really made me feel better reading it.
It's Her
It's so dark here
It used to feel like the stars
Looking up and knowing your problems aren't that big
You're okay, wherever you are
Now it's claustrophobic
Me and the blue
Then she comes out of it and I just can't breathe
There's nothing I can do
She's the insomnia
Suffocating me
Wish she'd just take what she wants away
And then she'd leave
When I can't pretend
When I'm alone and I'm done
That's when she decides to whisper her words
Steal all the composure I've won
Help me feel again
I'm so afraid of hurting
Her eyes in my brain, they're killing me over and over
Look into my soul, it's burning
What have I done?
I thought this would be okay
There was nothing else I could have done to save the world
Now there's no way
No way to move on
No way to go back
I can't figure this out, I thought I made the right choice
From sun and oceans to consuming black
I hate feeling
Like I'm doing something wrong
Try to pretend their attempts to console mean anything
But I've been hurting all along
I've got to find the light
Find somewhere to turn
There's a reason I'm lying, there's a reason I can't sleep
-It's her
It's Her
It's so dark here
It used to feel like the stars
Looking up and knowing your problems aren't that big
You're okay, wherever you are
Now it's claustrophobic
Me and the blue
Then she comes out of it and I just can't breathe
There's nothing I can do
She's the insomnia
Suffocating me
Wish she'd just take what she wants away
And then she'd leave
When I can't pretend
When I'm alone and I'm done
That's when she decides to whisper her words
Steal all the composure I've won
Help me feel again
I'm so afraid of hurting
Her eyes in my brain, they're killing me over and over
Look into my soul, it's burning
What have I done?
I thought this would be okay
There was nothing else I could have done to save the world
Now there's no way
No way to move on
No way to go back
I can't figure this out, I thought I made the right choice
From sun and oceans to consuming black
I hate feeling
Like I'm doing something wrong
Try to pretend their attempts to console mean anything
But I've been hurting all along
I've got to find the light
Find somewhere to turn
There's a reason I'm lying, there's a reason I can't sleep
-It's her
1/08/2012
Something's missing.
Last semester our apartment had the coolest roommate ever, named Derick. This kid was so epicly awesome. He just was. It cannot be put into words. But now he is gone to his mission (good luck man). So I'm happy for him, but the apartment defiantly does not feel the same. Bummer
Side note- classes start tomorrow! :D
Side note- classes start tomorrow! :D
1/07/2012
Up at Night
You stare at the cards, willing them to play out right in your solitaire game. Actual solitaire, not on the computer. That's busy playing Sonny Rollins anyway.
Your roommate sits to your right, watching How I met Your Mother. He can't sleep either. He just broke up with his girlfriend. He acts OK but you can tell he's hurting.
You look back to your game. There's just not enough empty spaces for all four kings. Knowing you can only guess, you move the red king on the left to the empty spot. This results in a loss. As you check the other three to see what they had hiding underneath them, you realize that any other move would have resulted in a win. You sit and wonder for a moment how your luck is that bad.
You cough as you stack the cards back up, pretending that's not blood you taste in the back of your throat. You shuffle the deck and prepare for a new game. You notice how calming shuffling the cards is, then wonder why, because that is a weird thing to calm someone down. You make up and answer to give yourself- along the lines of its a soothing rhythm and it's repetitive- and prepare to deal out another game.
You start to wonder why you can't sleep, then you stop wondering, because you already know. But you also don't want to think about why you can't sleep, so you turn back to your game of solitaire, hoping this time you'll win.
Your roommate sits to your right, watching How I met Your Mother. He can't sleep either. He just broke up with his girlfriend. He acts OK but you can tell he's hurting.
You look back to your game. There's just not enough empty spaces for all four kings. Knowing you can only guess, you move the red king on the left to the empty spot. This results in a loss. As you check the other three to see what they had hiding underneath them, you realize that any other move would have resulted in a win. You sit and wonder for a moment how your luck is that bad.
You cough as you stack the cards back up, pretending that's not blood you taste in the back of your throat. You shuffle the deck and prepare for a new game. You notice how calming shuffling the cards is, then wonder why, because that is a weird thing to calm someone down. You make up and answer to give yourself- along the lines of its a soothing rhythm and it's repetitive- and prepare to deal out another game.
You start to wonder why you can't sleep, then you stop wondering, because you already know. But you also don't want to think about why you can't sleep, so you turn back to your game of solitaire, hoping this time you'll win.
1/05/2012
Look I know I'll never get past this one but...
I'll fight you forever
I will think you're wrong until I find out it's right
I rarely will see things from your point of view
I will mistrust you
I will believe I hate you
I will shun you, turn my back on you, scorn you, and try to forget about you
BUT
You will never cease to amaze me
I will always look up to you
You will always be my greastest teacher
You will always forgive me
You will bail me out when I need you most
You will always care for me, think about me, worry about me, and be with me
Because you love me
I know I have trouble showing you, but I love you to
You will always be my parents
I will think you're wrong until I find out it's right
I rarely will see things from your point of view
I will mistrust you
I will believe I hate you
I will shun you, turn my back on you, scorn you, and try to forget about you
BUT
You will never cease to amaze me
I will always look up to you
You will always be my greastest teacher
You will always forgive me
You will bail me out when I need you most
You will always care for me, think about me, worry about me, and be with me
Because you love me
I know I have trouble showing you, but I love you to
You will always be my parents
1/01/2012
New Years
Look I know it's tacky and cliche to write about you wonderful New Year's Resolution and how it's gonna 'change your life' and how you're 'becoming a better person' but I really don't care and I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyways.
This resolution is coming from a lot of self reflection so it's not just a bunch of BS. I've noticed that though I say I want things or I am someone, I don't act that way. For example- I say I am a musician. But do I put in the hours to be one? Have I tried to write any music? Do I treat my practice time like it should? Not nearly enough. And this is just one part of this problem.
So, my resolution- and I feel that putting it in writing will help make it more real- is to act like who I am, and who I want to be. This is on all aspects of life- school, family, friends, love, religion... the list is long. The point is, I recently realized how freaking awesome I am, but also that I am not living up to my awesome potential. So there it is.
2012, please prepare yourself. I am about to become kickass.
This resolution is coming from a lot of self reflection so it's not just a bunch of BS. I've noticed that though I say I want things or I am someone, I don't act that way. For example- I say I am a musician. But do I put in the hours to be one? Have I tried to write any music? Do I treat my practice time like it should? Not nearly enough. And this is just one part of this problem.
So, my resolution- and I feel that putting it in writing will help make it more real- is to act like who I am, and who I want to be. This is on all aspects of life- school, family, friends, love, religion... the list is long. The point is, I recently realized how freaking awesome I am, but also that I am not living up to my awesome potential. So there it is.
2012, please prepare yourself. I am about to become kickass.
12/23/2011
Just a sad song, or are these the good days?
I can't sleep and it' one in the morning. I'd like to be able to blame it on the insomnia, but tonight it's something more.
It's her.
I don't understand how she can make me cry when she's not even here. I thought I was ok but in the dark all alone your feelings that you manage to hide even from yourself manage to take hold. It's shocking and terrifying knowing what a hold one person can hold over you. I don't think that twenty years from now I'll scratch my head and try to remember her name. This is something that has touched and changed me, enough that I will never forget. I know I care so why is it so hard to give in? Is she right? have I changed that much since I've been gone, so much that I don't even know myself? Or is it that she is part of a world I left behind, and the one I now am in is much more selfish?
I don't know. All I know is there is no end of things that make me think about it. A blanket, a song, a word, a smell. These things all conjure up ghosts of extremely cherished memories. If I was so happy before, why do I find it so hard to feel happy now?
It's her.
I don't understand how she can make me cry when she's not even here. I thought I was ok but in the dark all alone your feelings that you manage to hide even from yourself manage to take hold. It's shocking and terrifying knowing what a hold one person can hold over you. I don't think that twenty years from now I'll scratch my head and try to remember her name. This is something that has touched and changed me, enough that I will never forget. I know I care so why is it so hard to give in? Is she right? have I changed that much since I've been gone, so much that I don't even know myself? Or is it that she is part of a world I left behind, and the one I now am in is much more selfish?
I don't know. All I know is there is no end of things that make me think about it. A blanket, a song, a word, a smell. These things all conjure up ghosts of extremely cherished memories. If I was so happy before, why do I find it so hard to feel happy now?
11/29/2011
Classifiaction and Division- White Lies
Little White Lies- everyone tells them, no matter what they believe. I tell them as often as society demands it, and sometimes a little more. I believe that they are necessary for human relationships to function correctly, but not so much that people should build lives upon them.
I usually only tend to tell white lies that will make people feel better or good such as "That test was really hard. Don't worry about the bad grade". While I tend to tell these lies, I try to keep compliments on looks and personality as genuine as possible, as anything else would become flattery.
I do not remember telling a lie that would hurt someone as I have been brought up to face my mistakes, but there have certainly been times when i was hurt by lies. I try to move past this however, and remember that we all are human and prone to emotions such as fear, guilt, and anger that could facilitate these lies.
I usually only tend to tell white lies that will make people feel better or good such as "That test was really hard. Don't worry about the bad grade". While I tend to tell these lies, I try to keep compliments on looks and personality as genuine as possible, as anything else would become flattery.
I do not remember telling a lie that would hurt someone as I have been brought up to face my mistakes, but there have certainly been times when i was hurt by lies. I try to move past this however, and remember that we all are human and prone to emotions such as fear, guilt, and anger that could facilitate these lies.
10/25/2011
New Age Trophy Wife? Agreed
The essay "Trophy Wife" was based in the changing gender roles in today's marital scene. It's main premise was that men are no longer looking for an eye-candy wife, but that more and more they are looking for an "alpha female". This means they are looking for women who are high-powered, motivated, and successful.
This also takes the burden off men as the sole bread-winner for the family. This is the point I agree with most. Men have always been viewed as the success object, but today's economy, mixed with changing gender roles have changed that, much to my relief. I personally have always been pressured by this thought pattern- I was always told the mark of a man is to be able to take care of an entire family on his own.
I liked this essay because it spoke personally to me, and compared both men and women, older and younger men, and gender roles before and now.
This also takes the burden off men as the sole bread-winner for the family. This is the point I agree with most. Men have always been viewed as the success object, but today's economy, mixed with changing gender roles have changed that, much to my relief. I personally have always been pressured by this thought pattern- I was always told the mark of a man is to be able to take care of an entire family on his own.
I liked this essay because it spoke personally to me, and compared both men and women, older and younger men, and gender roles before and now.
9/07/2011
Narrative Essay Subject
I really had no ideas come to mind when I found out I have a narrative essay coming up. "Significant events"? I'm 18. What in my life has happened to change my person of future? Nothing that's what.
Then again...
I have loved my music since I started. Its been a huge part of my life since I was was in seventh grade. I can remember the first time I picked up a sax clearly, like it happened last week.
So, I have my subject for my essay... I hope.
Then again...
I have loved my music since I started. Its been a huge part of my life since I was was in seventh grade. I can remember the first time I picked up a sax clearly, like it happened last week.
So, I have my subject for my essay... I hope.
9/05/2011
Patterns for a Purpose: The Helpful Redundancy
My English 1010 textbook, "Patterns for a Purpose" was a sixty dollar investment and knowledge already learned, worded for college students. Honestly, there are only so many ways to say 'here's some techniques for brainstorming' and 'make sure to rewrite' and the writers of this book have defiantly covered them.
Despite the obvious redundancy, this book has actually been more helpful than others. For instance, this book is not just four hundred pages of text about how to write well. It actually gives pertinent examples and real life uses for the things it teaches. One example was the two page break down of the logical fallacies poor writers will try to employ. It gave the definition of each, along with examples of what they sound like.
So what am I really trying to say? I appreciate that people would take the time to write a book to help people write better, but does it HAVE to be so redundant?
Despite the obvious redundancy, this book has actually been more helpful than others. For instance, this book is not just four hundred pages of text about how to write well. It actually gives pertinent examples and real life uses for the things it teaches. One example was the two page break down of the logical fallacies poor writers will try to employ. It gave the definition of each, along with examples of what they sound like.
So what am I really trying to say? I appreciate that people would take the time to write a book to help people write better, but does it HAVE to be so redundant?
8/30/2011
What I Feel About, and Some Experiences with Writing
I have always felt the need to express myself. Mostly This need is both manifested and satisfied through my music. For this reason, I have never felt an 'artist connection' with writting and have never found it more useful than fulfilling academic demands and notating some thoughts I needed to remember. There has only been one time when I felt a need to write, and this was simply to calm my mind in a stressful time.
On the contrary though, I have always enjoyed writting, if nothing more than a hobby-esqu e love. It has allowed me to think clearly and taught me to organize my thoughts and ideas efficiently. It has also has been a good way to grow intellectually and keep my mind sharp.
On the contrary though, I have always enjoyed writting, if nothing more than a hobby-esqu e love. It has allowed me to think clearly and taught me to organize my thoughts and ideas efficiently. It has also has been a good way to grow intellectually and keep my mind sharp.
5/16/2011
Take a Second... and Juuuuust Think
So I'm driving home from a rough rehearsal, in rush hour traffic. I'm going past a Smith's next to an intersection, so it's really busy. I'm expecting stupid people, but it still scarred me when this stupid sixteen year old girl pulls out RIGHT in front of me WITHOUT LOOKING!
I don't have a working horn, so I slam on my breaks and she hears the screech.
"Nice" I mouth. She looks like a deer in headlights- clueless. "Go... GO!" I yell.
"Sorry!" she drives into the next line.
I drive by her slowly and touch my forehead- as if to say "How about we think next time huh?"
So now I'm driving home think things along the lines of "Stupid people... shouldn't be allowed to drive. They give out drivers licenses like candy here. Everyone should have to take the stupid test with a REAL instructor..." Blah blah blah... I'm just PISSED.
Then I stop and think... How many times have I made a stupid mistake? Made someone screech to a stop? Tried to lane change and not seen someone?
And further... she looked so scared. And apologetic. What if she was having a bad day? What if her boyfriend had broken up with her? What if she didn't make lead in that play she wanted to be in? What if she had just failed her final test in that ruthless calculus class? And now I'm sitting here making her feel worse for a stupid mistake? And one I've made before? Now I feel like a jerk...
So basically, just stop and think before you get all high and mighty, we're all human, and we all have days and moments like that. So stop... and juuuuust think.
I don't have a working horn, so I slam on my breaks and she hears the screech.
"Nice" I mouth. She looks like a deer in headlights- clueless. "Go... GO!" I yell.
"Sorry!" she drives into the next line.
I drive by her slowly and touch my forehead- as if to say "How about we think next time huh?"
So now I'm driving home think things along the lines of "Stupid people... shouldn't be allowed to drive. They give out drivers licenses like candy here. Everyone should have to take the stupid test with a REAL instructor..." Blah blah blah... I'm just PISSED.
Then I stop and think... How many times have I made a stupid mistake? Made someone screech to a stop? Tried to lane change and not seen someone?
And further... she looked so scared. And apologetic. What if she was having a bad day? What if her boyfriend had broken up with her? What if she didn't make lead in that play she wanted to be in? What if she had just failed her final test in that ruthless calculus class? And now I'm sitting here making her feel worse for a stupid mistake? And one I've made before? Now I feel like a jerk...
So basically, just stop and think before you get all high and mighty, we're all human, and we all have days and moments like that. So stop... and juuuuust think.
8/06/2010
Still Deciding On What Kinda Week This Was/ Having Those "Oh" Moments Latley
So this week was coming home from camping/ 8-5 week/ did that rehearsal really just happen?/ ooohhh! that fundraiser was really fun/ crap I have to close tonight and work tomorrow/ I'm finally getting to go on a date with Cheyenne after work tomorrow! week.
Let me explain.
We had our annual Shipley N' Shipley camping trip last/this week. This is one of my favorite things hat happens all year. But this year (and I blame the pooopy weather) It was not nearly as much fun as it usually is. Don't get me wrong, it was still fun and nice to get up to the mountains, but kinda a disappointment. After this not-quite-so-awesome trip comes the dreaded but never avoided UNloading part of things. You all know the drill. Your tired from vacation and packing up all day, then you get to come home and try to get everything back in place. This happened for us WHILE IT WAS RAINING AGAIN!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!
So that sucked.
Also, we came back Monday so I missed a third of marching band drill camp this-my senior and final-year. It sucks cause it was cut three hours early and a day short this year and I LOVE 8-8 WEEK!
So the next day I come back to band and try to catch up. I gained a new respect for Lauren that day because I only had to catch up on 12 sets while she-last season- had to learn the whole show in shorter time. So that was good for me. Anyways, After rehearsal, MRS. Leyva seems really disappointed. Understandable. The band (myself included) was really noisy today while she was trying to give us instruction. But there was something else. During sectional dinners Monday (remember I wasn't there!) a whole section didn't show up to dinner! I'm thinking "well that was stupid! Which section leader let that happen?" That night for dinner, I found out it was MY SECTION!!!! I was really quite disappointed in them. None of them even had a good reason not to show, they didn't because it was something they didn't want to do. UNACCEPTABLE. So by this time I'm PISSED. Now the thing about me is I really am a deep thinker, I just keep it all to myself so I look really dumb. Not a good habit I know. So I start thinking... "why are they like this?" then it got deeper. I started wondering why we struggle as a section in all areas. I came to the conclusion that it was my fault. I like to think that as far as music and marching goes, I'm a pretty good section leader. And to me, that's all section leader was. Until that day when I was forced to change my thinking. I'm late a lot, unorganized, loud, and borderline rude. This all has rubbed off on my section and I feel horrible about it. TERRIBLE. Like my parents had been saying for years, I was the example. And a terrible one at that.
So the next day, MRS. Leyva was gone. (I'm guessing massive migraine) so Kyle Chenier ran rehearsal. I was really good friends with Kyle before he joined Troopers and came back as staff. Another "Oh" moment-I've always heard that even the nicest people can go crazy when given a little power" Now he just pisses me off. Long story short, rehearsal was run into the ground and EVERYBODY was pissed off. I full on had an argument with him in front of the whole band (kudos to me I didn't swear) and was thoroughly angry after that. Dinner was at my house. So I started thinking why I had that yelling match with him. As a council member and example, that was a terrible idea. No matter how much you hate it, YOU NEVER ARGUE WITH THE PERSON IN CHARGE. It undermines the whole thing. But as a section leader, that was the right thing to do. Not one of my section members could have handled another run-through with out at least a quick drink of water. Half the band couldn't. So I stood up to that. And after I got shot down by the rest of the staff, I told my section not to play if they couldn't. This was one of the greatest moments as a section leader I've ever had. Their love and loyalty was proven as NOT ONE OF THE WOODWINDS PLAYED the woodwind break. While it was bad, It proved to me that these people trusted me and would follow me.
Exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
Anyways, the more I say about this, the more angry I get so I'll stop. Just know that Wednesday was not good.
Yesterday, in comparison was amazing. Our band got chosen to staff a company party for a hospital provided by Fun Events Co. This was the funnest work I've ever done. Besides the free pizza and Famous Dave's, we got Snowies, popcorn, and cotton candy as well. All we had to do was regulate the rides and food. On top of that, we got paid $1500 for doing it. It was a great day, so it balanced out the one before.
Tonight, however, I have to go to work... from 8 till 2ish in the morning... ugh... I also have to work both my jobs tomorrow. But after that, I get a reward for being a good boy. I get to go out on a date with Cheyenne. For the first time. Now this may seem pathetic, but you really would have had to live my life to understand why this is our first date. (sorry for how late it is Cheyenne) Anyways, It's going to be a great way to end a emotionally confusing, physically exhausting, and life-experience-gaining week.
That's all outta me for now, more posts when I have a half an hour to kill.
Let me explain.
We had our annual Shipley N' Shipley camping trip last/this week. This is one of my favorite things hat happens all year. But this year (and I blame the pooopy weather) It was not nearly as much fun as it usually is. Don't get me wrong, it was still fun and nice to get up to the mountains, but kinda a disappointment. After this not-quite-so-awesome trip comes the dreaded but never avoided UNloading part of things. You all know the drill. Your tired from vacation and packing up all day, then you get to come home and try to get everything back in place. This happened for us WHILE IT WAS RAINING AGAIN!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!
So that sucked.
Also, we came back Monday so I missed a third of marching band drill camp this-my senior and final-year. It sucks cause it was cut three hours early and a day short this year and I LOVE 8-8 WEEK!
So the next day I come back to band and try to catch up. I gained a new respect for Lauren that day because I only had to catch up on 12 sets while she-last season- had to learn the whole show in shorter time. So that was good for me. Anyways, After rehearsal, MRS. Leyva seems really disappointed. Understandable. The band (myself included) was really noisy today while she was trying to give us instruction. But there was something else. During sectional dinners Monday (remember I wasn't there!) a whole section didn't show up to dinner! I'm thinking "well that was stupid! Which section leader let that happen?" That night for dinner, I found out it was MY SECTION!!!! I was really quite disappointed in them. None of them even had a good reason not to show, they didn't because it was something they didn't want to do. UNACCEPTABLE. So by this time I'm PISSED. Now the thing about me is I really am a deep thinker, I just keep it all to myself so I look really dumb. Not a good habit I know. So I start thinking... "why are they like this?" then it got deeper. I started wondering why we struggle as a section in all areas. I came to the conclusion that it was my fault. I like to think that as far as music and marching goes, I'm a pretty good section leader. And to me, that's all section leader was. Until that day when I was forced to change my thinking. I'm late a lot, unorganized, loud, and borderline rude. This all has rubbed off on my section and I feel horrible about it. TERRIBLE. Like my parents had been saying for years, I was the example. And a terrible one at that.
So the next day, MRS. Leyva was gone. (I'm guessing massive migraine) so Kyle Chenier ran rehearsal. I was really good friends with Kyle before he joined Troopers and came back as staff. Another "Oh" moment-I've always heard that even the nicest people can go crazy when given a little power" Now he just pisses me off. Long story short, rehearsal was run into the ground and EVERYBODY was pissed off. I full on had an argument with him in front of the whole band (kudos to me I didn't swear) and was thoroughly angry after that. Dinner was at my house. So I started thinking why I had that yelling match with him. As a council member and example, that was a terrible idea. No matter how much you hate it, YOU NEVER ARGUE WITH THE PERSON IN CHARGE. It undermines the whole thing. But as a section leader, that was the right thing to do. Not one of my section members could have handled another run-through with out at least a quick drink of water. Half the band couldn't. So I stood up to that. And after I got shot down by the rest of the staff, I told my section not to play if they couldn't. This was one of the greatest moments as a section leader I've ever had. Their love and loyalty was proven as NOT ONE OF THE WOODWINDS PLAYED the woodwind break. While it was bad, It proved to me that these people trusted me and would follow me.
Exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
Anyways, the more I say about this, the more angry I get so I'll stop. Just know that Wednesday was not good.
Yesterday, in comparison was amazing. Our band got chosen to staff a company party for a hospital provided by Fun Events Co. This was the funnest work I've ever done. Besides the free pizza and Famous Dave's, we got Snowies, popcorn, and cotton candy as well. All we had to do was regulate the rides and food. On top of that, we got paid $1500 for doing it. It was a great day, so it balanced out the one before.
Tonight, however, I have to go to work... from 8 till 2ish in the morning... ugh... I also have to work both my jobs tomorrow. But after that, I get a reward for being a good boy. I get to go out on a date with Cheyenne. For the first time. Now this may seem pathetic, but you really would have had to live my life to understand why this is our first date. (sorry for how late it is Cheyenne) Anyways, It's going to be a great way to end a emotionally confusing, physically exhausting, and life-experience-gaining week.
That's all outta me for now, more posts when I have a half an hour to kill.
7/21/2010
Something from Nothing
So... I realized that it has been at least two weeks since i blogged last... O.o So I figured I'd blog about that.
Really, things HAVE been going on in my life, I PROMISE. But, writing them down just isn't my way of coping. I do enjoy talking about them but not as a stress reliever... I'd much rather sit in my room, destroying my ears with music that's too loud blaring in my head and stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness...
So the point is, when I want to tell you about something, I will, but not to help myself. It will simply be because I have NOTHING else to do because there is nobody interesting on facebook and I can't play my sax and I have nothing to read or no movie to watch and all my friends can't hang out and I have the munchies so bad that I raid the fridge for a good hour. THAT'S when I'll post stuff. No sooner. No later.
... Now I feel like I need to end this somehow... Like a signature ending that I end ALL my posts with... And right now, I have no idea, But that's ok cause I don't care enough to think of one, and reflecting on it, it's not THAT important... at least not important enough for me to stare at the screen and try to get and idea for ten more minutes. So when i have a suitable ending sequence, I'll let you people know. Until then... This'll have to do.
Also, I've noticed that i say "..." a lot... does this bother anyone? Really? That's good to know... I DON'T CARE!!!!
Ok this is all now. For reals. And stuff O.o
Really, things HAVE been going on in my life, I PROMISE. But, writing them down just isn't my way of coping. I do enjoy talking about them but not as a stress reliever... I'd much rather sit in my room, destroying my ears with music that's too loud blaring in my head and stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness...
So the point is, when I want to tell you about something, I will, but not to help myself. It will simply be because I have NOTHING else to do because there is nobody interesting on facebook and I can't play my sax and I have nothing to read or no movie to watch and all my friends can't hang out and I have the munchies so bad that I raid the fridge for a good hour. THAT'S when I'll post stuff. No sooner. No later.
... Now I feel like I need to end this somehow... Like a signature ending that I end ALL my posts with... And right now, I have no idea, But that's ok cause I don't care enough to think of one, and reflecting on it, it's not THAT important... at least not important enough for me to stare at the screen and try to get and idea for ten more minutes. So when i have a suitable ending sequence, I'll let you people know. Until then... This'll have to do.
Also, I've noticed that i say "..." a lot... does this bother anyone? Really? That's good to know... I DON'T CARE!!!!
Ok this is all now. For reals. And stuff O.o
6/27/2010
First Blog
So I'm trying to start a blog. You could say it was peer pressure, or a need to write things down mixed with a hate for that stupid cramp you get when you write on your bed late in the night for several hours, but the point is that I'm a blogger now.
Anyways
So the oh-so-original title of this blog is Music In Motion. I named it this because Music Really is my life. So really, it's more of my life's motion. So if you don't care about my obsession with band, converse and girls (and not necessarily in that order), please don't read this. Also, there with be spelling and grammar errors. The really funny part is: I DON'T CARE. So If your a English Major with heart problems, this blog is NOT recommended by your doctors.
But I digress.
What I really wanted to say in this my first post is that summer time = band time. This simple math equation means countless hours spent perfecting the impossible. Things such as getting up to five kids ages 12 to 18 in perfect left-to-right lines WHILE MARCHING (which by the way is surprisingly difficult and different than walking -no up down!!!!) through the extreme heat.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!!
After that has been accomplished to a satisfying degree, each individual is responsible for memorizing often over 100 measures of 4/4 music, with all that that entails- dynamics, style, rhythms and notes, and even facial expressions while playing. So, yes it's impossible, and yes its frustrating and difficult and annoying and not even close to normal. But it is worth it a thousand times over. The reasons why are many and varied, and you really have yo try it out before you can understand, but they are there.
So that's really it for first post... I really have no idea how so satisfactorily end one of these, but here sounds like a good place.
P.S.- my little sister Lauren gets the props for my blog's look. She is the amazing computer genius around here and has a great sense of how things need to look. So Kudos to her.
Anyways
So the oh-so-original title of this blog is Music In Motion. I named it this because Music Really is my life. So really, it's more of my life's motion. So if you don't care about my obsession with band, converse and girls (and not necessarily in that order), please don't read this. Also, there with be spelling and grammar errors. The really funny part is: I DON'T CARE. So If your a English Major with heart problems, this blog is NOT recommended by your doctors.
But I digress.
What I really wanted to say in this my first post is that summer time = band time. This simple math equation means countless hours spent perfecting the impossible. Things such as getting up to five kids ages 12 to 18 in perfect left-to-right lines WHILE MARCHING (which by the way is surprisingly difficult and different than walking -no up down!!!!) through the extreme heat.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!!!
After that has been accomplished to a satisfying degree, each individual is responsible for memorizing often over 100 measures of 4/4 music, with all that that entails- dynamics, style, rhythms and notes, and even facial expressions while playing. So, yes it's impossible, and yes its frustrating and difficult and annoying and not even close to normal. But it is worth it a thousand times over. The reasons why are many and varied, and you really have yo try it out before you can understand, but they are there.
So that's really it for first post... I really have no idea how so satisfactorily end one of these, but here sounds like a good place.
P.S.- my little sister Lauren gets the props for my blog's look. She is the amazing computer genius around here and has a great sense of how things need to look. So Kudos to her.
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